i HATE saying goodbye~~

those of you who know me already know how terrible i am at saying goodbye. i loathe the concept so much that i usually just avoid the entire process.

saying goodbye just seems so...final. especially when it's the kind of goodbye where you know that you'll never see the other person again. in my mind...i feel like if i never actually utter the word "goodbye" that there's still a chance that i'll see the other person again. even when i know beyond the shadow of all doubt that that's not true. i lie to myself.

when i left for korea, i only said goodbye to three people: my mom, my dad, and my brother. but, they're family, so they kind of have to see me again.

this week has been a week of goodbyes. i taught my 6th graders again...for the last time. ever. ever.

before, i was super excited about moving to my new school and starting a new life in seoul. but, now, my students are making it so hard to leave.

it's so hard to say goodbye. especially to my sixth graders. of all my students, i've taught them the most and for the longest time. they're the only students i have that i've taught all 2 years since i've been in korea. i've been on school trips with them, taught them in english camps, and taught them in advanced english clubs.

my hardest goodbye was yesterday. it was the very last time that i will ever teach my favorite class: 6-6. this group includes the students that were my favorites when they were in grades 4 and 5. they always come visit my in my office. many of them were regulars in my english camps. a few of them were in my english club. and this was the class that was always excited to see me...like, they would cheer every single time i walked into their classroom.

yesterday, we played english review games, because their exams are next week. i ended class a few minutes early to say goodbye to the kids. and then, the 2 class leaders--one boy and one girl--came to the front. they had prepared a special card for me...decorated with bigbang stickers^^~~everyone in the class had written a note on it. many of my other classes had made special letters or gifts for me...but this time, it was different.

the boy, who's nickname is california [that's where he's from], thanked me for teaching them, and wished me good luck, etc etc. then, the girl [her english name is stella] was about to hand me the card, when suddenly...she dropped it on the ground and threw her arms around my neck. she started sobbing--literally, sobbing--uncontrollably. in between sobs, she kept repeated "teacher, don't go...teacher, don't go!" over and over and over.

it was at this point that i also started crying. as in, actual tears were streaming down my face. i had no idea that the kids were this attached to me, or that they even liked me that much.

so there i was, trying to say goodbye to my students...standing there, with tears and mascara running all down my face. which was a completely new experience for me. i don't cry in front of people.

and also, i don't cry. EVER. [i'm pretty sure most of my friends and family thought i was completely devoid of emotion.]

and then i cried again 3 times today, just not as much.

and now i have a headache because of it.

and this is why i never say goodbyes.