a few simple rules govern my life:
1.) germs are everywhere.
2.) don't touch me.*
3.) gingivitis can kill you. probably.
4.) don't talk to strangers on planes.
*exception: if i haven't seen you in a really long time. like a year. or longer.
i observe the last rule only to avoid the inevitable awkward situation that arises when either they offend you, you offend them, or you arrive at the mutual [or not-so-mutual] agreement that you have absolutely nothing in common. uncomfortable silence follows for the rest of the flight, and now the minutes seem to pass by even more slowly. awesome.
now, i'm not so unfriendly that i won't acknowledge the person. there should be a greeting or something when you first sit together. maybe a short, surface-level conversation. an occasional joke about food quality, the flight, etc. and then the infrequent "excuse me, i'm sorry" when getting up to use the restroom. i mean, i'm not so rude as to ignore a person completely. polite, friendly, short conversation is acceptable. but i'm certainly not about to delve into your personal life.
well, on thursday, my vacation officially began. after waiting for an eternity, it was finally time to board the plane in seoul for the long flight to los angeles. and by "long flight", i mean, it was 11 freaking hours long.
and lucky me got to sit next to chatty cathy. seriously. homeboy asked WAYYYYYYYYYY too many questions. also, homeboy either:
1.) was not listening to any of the answers i was giving him. [which pisses me off. if i ask you a question, you had better believe that i care enough about your answer to listen to what you are saying. otherwise, i'm not going to waste your time and mine by asking you a stupid question that i don't care enough about to listen to your answer.]
2.) had short-term memory loss. [which i, quite frankly, don't have the patience to deal with on an 11 hour flight.]
so apparently, homeboy was a teacher in korea. a native english teacher, like me, just with a different program. also, whenever i asked a question to be polite, he would always give an evasive answer. or give an answer to a question i didn't ask. the following is the exact answer he gave to this question:
me: so, where in korea did you teach?
homeboy: i'm from l.a.
ok, so did i miss something?? how is that an answer?? does everyone from l.a. who teaches in korea all teach in the same place?? ahhh~~i don't understand!!
also, homeboy, who was from america by the way, didn't seem to realize that places outside of california exist.
homeboy: so is l.a. your final stop?
me: no, i actually just have a layover there.
homeboy: so where's home for you?
me: i'm from north carolina. charlotte.
homeboy: i don't know where that is.
me: oh. it's on the border of north carolina and south carolina.
homeboy: i've never been to northern california.
me: umm. me neither. i've actually never been in california except for the l.a. airport.
homeboy: so what's it like in northern cali.
me: i don't know. i've never been there.
homeboy: do you drive from northern cali to l.a. often?
me: no. i've never been to l.a. and i've never been to northern cali. i'm from the southeastern part of the united states.
homeboy: oh. so, where in cali is that?
me: AJFAKSJDFKJALDSFKJF I DON'T LIVE IN FREAKING CALIFORNIA AKJKFSDLJKFADKLJFSDADLJKDFLJK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also, homeboy liked to ask a lot of prying questions. and then he criticize me. which pissed me off as well.
homeboy: so, what did you do in college. like, extracurriculars?
me: umm, i tutored elementary school students, played intramural soccer, and played ultimate frisbee.
homeboy: i've never heard of ultimate frisbee.
me: oh. well, it's really fun. it's kind of like football, except with a frisbee. and tackling is generally frowned upon.
homeboy: so, you just throw a frisbee to people?
me: well, yes. but it's more complicated than that.
homeboy: that sounds boring and stupid. people in northern cali have an interesting way of entertaining themselves.
me: for real homeboy? imma hit you in the face!!
***
homeboy: this flight is really long.
me: yeah, i know. 11 hours.
homeboy: do you want to talk to me for 11 hours?
me: nope. i plan on sleeping. and listening to music. and pretty much doing ANYTHING that's NOT talking to you. kthnx.
so i have a really really really hard time falling asleep sitting up and in public. making it virtually impossible for me to fall asleep on an airplane. so if i am lucky enough to fall asleep, you should absolutely not wake me up under any circumstances [unless the plane is either: 1.) on fire, or 2.) has a giant hole ripped into the side of it and people are getting sucked out.]
well, i had just fallen asleep when i felt a tapping on my shoulder...
homeboy: were you asleep?
me: umm. YES.
homeboy: well i just have a really important question to ask you. i've been thinking about it for a while and it's bothering me.
me: umm. ok.
homeboy: how many people went to your university.
in my mind, i punched him in the face. repeatedly.
he had such a hard time remembering anything that i had said, and i was super irritated, so i started to give him stupid, ridiculous answers to every question that he asked.
homeboy: what will you do at home?
me: just visit friends and family. i'm only on vacation for a month.
homeboy: why won't you get a job? that sounds pretty lazy.
me: umm. because i'm only going to be on vacation. for one month. then i'm going back to korea.
homeboy: i think you should get a job.
me: i have a job. in korea.
homeboy: but you're in america now. you should find a job.
me: ok. well i'm going back to korea in one month. i'm not going to find a job in america. i have a job in korea.
homeboy: so what do you do in korea?
me: well, as i said before, i am a teacher. so i'm going to teach english.
homeboy: so that's your job. in korea?
me: yes. and also i'm an actress and i date T.O.P from bigbang. and i was abducted by aliens when i was a child.
***
homeboy: who's your favorite kpop singer?
me: T.O.P from bigbang.
homeboy: so, who do you like better: T.O.P or g-dragon?
me: umm. T.O.P.
homeboy: who do you like better: T.O.P or seung ri?
me: umm. T.O.P
this went on for like 5 minutes...
homeboy: which is your favorite kpop girls' group?
me: 2NE1.
homeboy: so what you're saying is, you hate kara [another girls' group]?
me: no. just, 2NE1 is my favorite.
homeboy: why do you hate kara so much?
me: umm. i don't.
homeboy: yes you do. you hate them.
and this went on for about 5 more minutes. and his face got dark and clouded over and it was freaking scary.
so. that was my flight home.
the next flight from l.a. to charlotte was about 5 hours and completely uneventful. except that the man in front of me kept slamming his seat into my knees. and there was a baby that cried. THE. ENTIRE. TIME. at which point i decided that i like sleeping more than i like babies and if i ever get married i will be adopting teenagers or children over age eight.
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